The two men ran into the kitchen and looked around. They saw sharp knives, piercing forks, heavy spoons, large pots and frying pans. Stoves were lit and burning, with huge pots of boiling water on them. The ovens were similarly on fire, with hot trays inside.

“Heaven forbid they could have met in the lounge or the dining room,” whispered Sir John to himself.

Lord Arlington started gibbering in fear. Sir John looked around for something that looked like it might be safe, should the various objects decide to become animate. He sidled over to a pantry that seemed to contain nothing sharp or burning.

“Let’s move over here,” said Sir John calmly and took the panicking lord’s arm.

The two went into the pantry and Sir John slowly and carefully shut the door.

“Now that I think of it, why were you here and not in, say, the lounge?” said Sir John. On cue, one of the heavy spoons began stirring some extremely hot soup.

“It was here,” said Lord Arlington.

“Indeed,” said Sir John, “but why was it here?”

Lord Arlington looked perplexed.

“Why did you meet here?” said Sir John.

“Because it was here,” said Lord Arlington.

Sir John opened his mouth to speak when a penny dropped.

“What is it?” said Sir John.

“That,” said Lord Arlington, pointing to the oven nearest the door.

Many spoons were now stirring in pots, and knives and forks were rattling. The ovens seemed to be a little warmer too.

“The oven?” said Sir John.

“No, no,” said Lord Arlington. ‘The gas. It came in there. He found it.”

There was definite movement now throughout the kitchen. Knives and forks lined up on the surfaces like an army.

“The… scientist?” said Sir John. 

“Yes,” said Lord Arlington, “The purple Professor… he found it in the garden and said it came in there. Made the servants ill and insane and they left. But he said it was good, it was under the house. We could sell it and be rich.”

“But… you disagreed,” said Sir John. 

“I didn’t need money, and the house has been in the family for generations. I just wanted the servants to be well, to be happy.”

“What happened when you said no?” said Sir John.

“There was an argument… there was… I don’t know,” said Lord Arlington. “But wait, that was just before… they came.”

“The uncanny?” said Sir John and Lord Arlington nodded. “Maybe that’s why they wanted you out of the house, to get this gas.”

Lord Arlington’s face shone. The kitchen fell silent.

“You’re right! You’re right!” said Lord Arlington. “That’s what they want.”

There was a smashing sound on the door as if knives, forks, spoons, pots, pans and burning trays were crashing into it. Lord Arlington screamed.

“We’re done for!” he said. “Trapped like rats!”

“Actually,” said Sir John calmly, “I think not. I think not at all.”

Sir John pushed open the pantry door.

“What are you doing, man?” said Lord Arlington.

“Facing my fears,” said Sir John and walked into a maelstrom of spinning knives, jabbing forks, banging spoons and flying pots and pans of boiling water.