The Clockwork Conjuror: Chapter 1

Dear Mr Clockwork Conjuror

Before I begin this letter I should probably clear up how to address you. Debretts was unable to tell me the correct format for addressing a conjuror and I wasn’t sure if conjuror was an honorific. As it is the second word in your name I guessed not and then realised that I didn’t know whether you were a Mr, a Dr or even a Rev. Having checked Hansard I have established you are not an MP which at least rules out Rt Hon. I wondered if maybe I should even address you as The Clockwork Conjuror, but that seemed strange to use as a greeting. So In the end I settled for Mr. If indeed you are a medical doctor, a holder of a PhD or a minister, I apologise in advance.

So, having established that point, I now will turn to the main part of my letter. I am writing to tell you that I am very much looking forward to your upcoming show at the London Palladium. I have booked 4 tickets, one for me and two either side so nobody puts their elbows on my seat and also the one in front so a lady with a large hat won’t spoil my view. I am rather short and I have had this problem in the past. I once watched an entire performance of Giselle through an oversized ostrich feather. The problem was magnified as I have allergies to large flightless birds. And also many birds that can fly.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say was that I was hoping that after the show we may meet up and talk about your technical achievements. I am an inventor myself and so the chance to not just witness a performance of twenty three automata, but to converse with the genius that created them, is one I don’t want to miss. I mean you of course when I mean the genius as I have assumed you have built them. If not and someone else has built them and they are also at the show, it would be nice to see them. Of course it would be nice to see you too as you could talk about how you operate the automata on stage. Again, unless there is a third person that does that. In which case, meeting all, or some, of you if you are not busy would be wonderful.

Anyway, I will be at your show on October the 18th and hope we can talk about the automata.

Best Regards

Phlebotomous Bosch

PS As I mentioned I am an inventor myself. If you are agreeable I can bring a small portfolio of some of my diverse inventions. Perhaps you may even find something useful for your show! Although I have to tell you now that I would be unable to accompany you on any tours as I have unusual sleeping arrangements and an aversion to overly starched hotel sheets. But nevertheless I could perhaps create a set of instructions to help you fully utilise any device you wished to have in your show. I am also unable to offer guarantees of safety at the request of my lawyer (made shortly before his untimely demise).

The Sunnyport Shadow: Chapter 6

“Moderately Explosive”

Dear Sir John

I was wondering as I was writing this whether “Dear Sir John” was the correct way to start the letter. Unfortunately, I couldn’t ascertain this because the local library is only open during daylight hours and my friend has been out of town for some time. At least that is what his butler informs me.

I was of a mind to deliver the device to you personally, but when Miss Henderson came to visit me with your instructions, she was very clear on the dangers. I do hope that the cloud of poisonous gas that has encircled your holiday resort clears shortly so that you may leave the town and indeed to allow visitors to approach it as well. Perhaps you could let me know exactly where you are, as Miss Henderson had a coughing fit whenever she said the name and I couldn’t be certain of what she said. I do hope she isn’t sickening for something. The same problem seemed to occur when she came back to pick up the device and this letter. I suggested a machine of my own invention that might help her, but she seemed a little startled when I suggested getting a closer look at her throat.

Anyway, I digress, I received the instructions in the telegrams and worked on the device as you asked. It might have been useful to show you exactly how to use it, but I will have to describe it here. I must admit to being intrigued by the nature of the investigation to warrant the construction of such a machine. What kind of situation have you encountered that needs a device to scan for all possible and even theoretical psychic energies? Or have you simply become bored idling your days in the sunshine and invented the device for fun?

Either way, I shall not bore you too much with some of the construction details. Suffice to say that mounting the ecto-plasmatic converter on the metallic crypto-zoetrope was quite fiddly and moderately explosive. Luckily for me, I keep a bucket of sand handy for such eventualities.

So as you requested, the device has a moveable sprocket connection to the main psychic flange which allows for adjustment of the measurement range. In short, you should be able to point the device at any object that you suspect may be infused by some magical force and adjust the range of energies measured even beyond that known to us paranormal investigators. The range is quite extensive; you should be able to detect energies both from strange eldritch creatures that live deep in the oceans in sunken cities or even beings from deep outer space, if such things existed! Excuse my fanciful nature, I have been reading some rather strange literature recently.

I hope this finds you otherwise well, and please let me know how your investigation into whatever it is and wherever it is proceeds.

 

Your friend

Phlebotomous Bosch

PS – Don’t turn the sprocket all the way to the left, the device is liable to explode

PPS – Or the right

Cogs, Crowns and Carriages (and Kickstarters)

Twitter Regicide and Prejudice quote 2Dear Reader

We are delighted beyond belief to inform you that our esteemed lead writer Mr Paul Michael Esq has had the very good fortune to be in yet another anthology. This time he will be in the most excellent Cogs, Crowns and Carriages Steampunk anthology (one of a pair along with Gears, Ghouls and Gauges).

Alas, though, the anthology may never see the light of day unless enough charitable folk contribute to a “Kickstarter” campaign. We implore you to consider this opportunity presented here bit.ly/SteampunkAnthos

In any event, we are excited about the imminent release and will be posting more anon.

 

 

 

The Sunnyport Shadow: Chapter 6

“Moderately Explosive”

Dear Sir John

I was wondering as I was writing this whether “Dear Sir John” was the correct way to start the letter. Unfortunately, I couldn’t ascertain this because the local library is only open during daylight hours and my friend has been out of town for some time. At least that is what his butler informs me.

I was of a mind to deliver the device to you personally, but when Miss Henderson came to visit me with your instructions, she was very clear on the dangers. I do hope that the cloud of poisonous gas that has encircled your holiday resort clears shortly so that you may leave the town and indeed to allow visitors to approach it as well. Perhaps you could let me know exactly where you are, as Miss Henderson had a coughing fit whenever she said the name and I couldn’t be certain of what she said. I do hope she isn’t sickening for something. The same problem seemed to occur when she came back to pick up the device and this letter. I suggested a machine of my own invention that might help her, but she seemed a little startled when I suggested getting a closer look at her throat.

Anyway, I digress, I received the instructions in the telegrams and worked on the device as you asked. It might have been useful to show you exactly how to use it, but I will have to describe it here. I must admit to being intrigued by the nature of the investigation to warrant the construction of such a machine. What kind of situation have you encountered that needs a device to scan for all possible and even theoretical psychic energies? Or have you simply become bored idling your days in the sunshine and invented the device for fun?

Either way, I shall not bore you too much with some of the construction details. Suffice to say that mounting the ecto-plasmatic converter on the metallic crypto-zoetrope was quite fiddly and moderately explosive. Luckily for me, I keep a bucket of sand handy for such eventualities.

So as you requested, the device has a moveable sprocket connection to the main psychic flange which allows for adjustment of the measurement range. In short, you should be able to point the device at any object that you suspect may be infused by some magical force and adjust the range of energies measured even beyond that known to us paranormal investigators. The range is quite extensive; you should be able to detect energies both from strange eldritch creatures that live deep in the oceans in sunken cities or even beings from deep outer space, if such things existed! Excuse my fanciful nature, I have been reading some rather strange literature recently.

I hope this finds you otherwise well, and please let me know how your investigation into whatever it is and wherever it is proceeds.

 

Your friend

Phlebotomous Bosch

PS – Don’t turn the sprocket all the way to the left, the device is liable to explode

PPS – Or the right