The Daily Scandal

Gentle Reader,

Whilst researching our current story, The Paris Awakening, we have come across a startling fact. It seems that the fiendish swine at the heart of the story, Messers Clackprattle and Pook, have had an alternate career before their appearance in these pages. Why,  the scurrilous swine had been busy bamboozling the good and honest folk of the British press. Can you imagine!

Their modus operandi was to invent some fictitious, scandalous tale regarding a famous personage. They would then contact members of the journalistic profession with aforementioned stories and attempt to extract money from these poor deluded souls. The details that these devils supplied were naturally as lurid as possible in order to extract the maximum payment possible. Luckily we have been able to uncover this practice and find the tool they used to perpetrate this fraud. We present it below. By choosing a sequence of random numbers one can quickly generate some fictitious “news” stories.

We can only thank the good editing principles of the more moral periodicals and hope that such a swindle isn’t visited upon other more modern forms of communication. For how would an honest chap know what was real and what was not?

Yours – in shock and horror

Mr Michael and Miss Pichette

Number Famous Personage Scurrilous Act Dubious Location
1 Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Consumed a voluminous quantity of French pastries In a poorhouse
2 Dr David Livingstone Entertained a lady of questionable moral standards In the Queen’s bedchambers
3 Miss Florence Nightingale Dined with a gentleman of lesser breeding In a nunnery
4 Her Majesty Queen Victoria Imbibed a significant quantity of alcohol In the House of Lords
5 Mr Charles Dickens Participated in a bizarre occult ceremony In an opium den
6 Mr Isambard Kingdom Brunel Danced around in a state of undress In a house of ill repute
7 Mr Oscar Wilde Formed a daguerreotype of a lady’s ankle In Paris
8 Mr Aleister Crowley Smoked a frightening quantity of opium In St Paul’s Cathedral
9 The Rt Hon Benjamin Disreali Drank a full pint of laudanum On the royal barge
10 Mme Marie Curie Executed a painting of a nude gentleman In the Peruvian embassy

 

2 thoughts on “Clackprattle and Pook’s Counterfeit Current Affairs Creator

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